GENDERS SEXUAL FAITH ORIENTED PRACTICES; EMBEDDED IN PRIMITIVE SOCIETIES
ACTION RESEARCH FORUM: CULTURAL INTRICACIES IN PRIMIIVE SOCIETIES RESTRICT OPENNESS OF PUBLIC SHARING OF KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCES ABOUT CERTAIN TOPICS OF SOCIAL VITALITY FOR MULTIPLE REASONS INCLUDING FAITH PRACTICES, CULTS AND BREEDS, IN-BREEDING, ROYAL BLOODLINES TAKEN AS NATURE GRANTED. NEVERTHELESS, EVOLUTION OF HINDUISM PRODUCED AS FAITH BELIEF LITERATURE IN SANSKIRIT WHICH WAS AT CERTAIN STAGE TRANSLATED IN TO PUBLIC MEDIA IN DEVANGARI AND OTHER LOCAL SCRIPTS, THAT WAS IN EVOLVING PYRAMID IN VIEW OF EXPOSURE OF MEDICAL SCIENCES. MUSLIM SOCIETIES LACKED THE PUBLIC SESSION, SO SECRACIES WENT RECURCUSIVE OVER THE TIME. NOW THE MEDIA TEMPO IS UNEARTHING GRDAUALLY BY MEANS OF STATE-OF-THE ART TECHNOLOGIES. LABELLING THE ROLE OF KNOWLEDGE ON THESE ISSUES AS USE OR ABUSE IS STILL REGRADED VULENRABLE MORE IN PERMISSIVE SOCITIES THAN PERMISSIVE SOCIETIES. Source: http://www.bbc.com/urdu/entertainment-40670404
تصویر کے کاپی رائٹAMAZONImage captionمسلمان خواتین مسلمان خواتین اپنے جیون ساتھی کے ساتھ کس طرح اپنی جنسی زندگی گزارتی ہیں؟
اس موضوع پر شائع ہونے والی ایک کتاب ای کامرس ویب سائٹ ایمیزون پر فروخت ہو رہی ہے اور اس کی اشاعت پر تنازع شروع ہو گیا ہے۔
'دی مسلمہ سیکس مینیوئل: اے حلال گائیڈ ٹو مائنڈ بلوئنگ سیکس' کے نام سے شائع ہونے والی کتاب کی مصنفہ نے اپنا نام ظاہر نہیں کیا ہے اور موضوع کی حساسیت کو مد نظر رکھتے ہوئے تخلص کا استعمال کیا ہے۔
لیکن برطانوی اخباروں میں مصنفہ کے انٹرويو چھپے ہیں۔ برطانوی اخبار 'دی ابزرور' کے مطابق اس کی مصنفہ مسلمان ہیں۔
اخبار میں ان کے بارے میں اس سے زیادہ معلومات نہیں دی گئیں اور اس کی وجہ یہ بتائی گئی کہ مصنفہ نے خود یہ گزارش کی ہے۔
مصنفہ نے انٹرویو میں کتاب لکھنے کی وجہ بھی بتائی ہے۔ ان کا کہنا ہے کہ بہت ساری مسلمان خواتین، خاص طور پر روایتی خواتین سیکس کے بارے میں زیادہ نہیں جانتیں۔
مصنفہ کا دعویٰ ہے کہ وہ کتاب اس لیے لکھ رہی ہیں کیونکہ وہ مسلمان خواتین کی زندگی میں خوشی لانا چاہتی ہیں۔
برطانوی اخبار 'ٹیلی گراف' سے بات کرتے ہوئے ایک مسلمان مصنفہ شيلینا جان محمد نے کہا کہ اگر یہ کتاب مسلمان خواتین سے منسلک فرضی خیالات تبدیل کرنے میں مدد دیتی ہے تو اس کا خیر مقدم کرنا چاہیے۔
اگرچہ کتاب پر تنقید بھی ہو رہی ہے مگر کچھ حلقوں میں اس پر عورتوں کے بارے میں روایتی سوچ کو تبدیل کرنے اور ان کے جسم سے منافع حاصل کرنے کے الزامات لگ رہے ہیں۔
تصویر کے کاپی رائٹGETTY IMAGES
ساری توجہ خواتین پر
کتاب کی مصنفہ ان الزامات سے متفق نہیں۔ برطانوی اخبار ٹیلی گراف کو انٹرویو دیتے ہوئے انہوں نے کہا کہ 'اس کتاب کے بارے میں مجھے بہت لوگوں نے ای میل کر کے اپنی حمایت کا اظہار کیا ہے۔ ایک مسجد کے امام نے لکھا کہ اُن کا ارادہ ہے کہ وہ نئے شادی شدہ جوڑوں کو اس کی ایک کاپی دیں گے۔'
مصنفہ کے مطابق اس کتاب پر ایک ہی اعتراض ان کے سامنے آیا ہے وہ یہ کہ اس میں مردوں کو نظرانداز کیا گیا ہے اور تمام تر توجہ خواتین پر ہے۔
برطانوی اخبار 'دی ابزرور' کے مطابق مسلمان خواتین کی تنظیموں نے اس کتاب کی تعریف کی ہے اور کہا ہے کہ مسلمان خواتین کو جنسی تعلقات کی وجہ سے بگڑنے والے رشتوں سے بچانے کی ضرورت ہے تاکہ ان کے حقوق کی خلاف ورزی نہ ہو۔
برطانیہ میں مسلم ویمن نیٹ ورک کی سربراہ شائستہ گوہر کہتی ہیں 'میں مکمل طور پر اس کے حق میں ہوں اور ایسا کیوں نہ ہو؟ سیکس کے بارے میں بات کرنا کوئی نئی بات نہیں ہے۔ ماضی میں سائنس بھی سیکس کے ذریعے خواتین کو حاصل ہونے والی جنسی لذت کی اہمیت کے بارے میں بتاتی آئی ہے۔'
The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex hit the shelves last week after an anonymous US-born writer wrote it under the name Umm Muladhat.
Inspiration for the Islamic guide came after the author was approached by a newlywed acquaintance who wanted sex help.
Umm told The Observer: “I put an emphasis on having sex only with your spouse, but having the full range of sexual experiences with that spouse.
“Islamically, there's an emphasis on enjoying physical relationships within the context of marriage, not just for procreation. It is the wife's right that her husband satisfy her sexually.”
The book breaks with tradition through chapters which explicitly explains sex for modern couples.
Chapters on BDSM, fantasies, and “How to be a freak in bed” describe how to initiate in wild nights at home.
Umm said online she was approached by the woman who had zero idea what to do in bed with her husband.
She wrote: “Her sex life was horrible. In fact, it was fast becoming non-existent. She had been a model Muslimah her entire life. Before marriage, she had never so much as held a non-mahram's hand, let alone become physically intimate with one.
“She had eagerly looked forward to marriage as a chance to finally indulging in all the physical intimacy she had postponed for the sake of Allah.
Muladhat said she has been heavily criticised.
She said: “I’ve received encouraging feedback, but also a significant number of demeaning and disgusting messages.
“One woman said it’s not needed, they learn everything from their mothers.
“I doubt any mother speaks in as explicit detail as I have.”
The author who has been married for more than three decades said she got her knowledge from life, magazine articles and chats with friends.
Describing how a “French kiss” can turn into sex, the book advises women to “explore their husband's body”.
It says: “Put your tongue into his mouth and touch his tongue. Use your tongue. Tease him with light flicks. Go back and forth into each other's mouths.
"Trace the edge of his lips with the tip of your tongue. Explore his mouth! Feel his gums and teeth with your tongue. Make sure to give him opportunity to reciprocate.
“Don't just kiss on the lips. He has other kissable parts too! Work on his neck and collarbone. Bite, but gently. Nibble his earlobe or neck. Maybe his bottom lip. If you're adventurous, give him a hickey. Kiss his neck with a slightly open mouth. Suck in the skin. This will leave a mark so be careful where you do it!
“Run your fingers through his hair and massage his scalp. His body is exclusively yours for the rest of your marriage! Explore the goods!”
The young girl who took advice from the author reportedly pleaded with her to tell other Muslim girls what to do - after the advice sparked passion in her marriage.
According to Umm, a lot of Muslim women are confused about what sexual acts are permissible in Islam, and the misconception that females shouldn't enjoy sex.
She wrote: “Guilt associated with sex is drummed into women from childhood.
“It’s portrayed as something dirty where women’s sexuality is often controlled.”
Candid advice is offered on everything from kissing to cowgirl positions – with the core message being that Muslim women can and should enjoy a varied sex life and take the lead in physical relationships.
While some critics have accused the author of fetishising Muslim women and encouraging promiscuity, the book has been welcomed by readers who have lauded her as a Muslim Belle De Jour, bringing a taboo subject into the open. “I’ve received encouraging feedback, but also a significant number of demeaning and disgusting messages,” said Muladhat. “One woman said it’s not needed, they learn everything from their mothers. I doubt any mother speaks in as explicit detail as I have.
“I put an emphasis on having sex only with your spouse, but having the full range of sexual experiences with that spouse. Islamically, there’s an emphasis on enjoying physical relationships within the context of marriage, not just for procreation. It is the wife’s right that her husband satisfy her sexually.”
Muslim women’s organisations have praised her, saying the book will empower Muslim women and protect them from entering into sexually abusive relationships. Shaista Gohir, chair of the Muslim Women’s Network UK which runs the Muslim Women’s Helpline, said: “I’m all for women talking about sex. Why shouldn’t they? Talking about sex in Islam is not new, and past scholars highlighted the importance of sexual pleasure for women, which included advice for men to ensure this happens.
“However, in practice, sex seems to all be about men’s pleasure. Cases often come up on our helpline where women’s complaints range from being forced into participating in unwanted sexual acts, rape, to being treated like a piece of meat with zero effort made to ensure the woman has an orgasm. I suspect the problem is much bigger, as most would feel too embarrassed to talk about it.”
Muladhat said she felt compelled to write the book after she discovered women were entering into a lifelong commitment with little knowledge about sex other than snippets gleaned from the back of guides to marriage, with an emphasis on what was forbidden, rather than what was allowed, and with little from the perspective of women.
“I saw many Muslim women were getting married with no real avenue for learning about sex,” she said. “Couples knew ‘penis into vagina’, but little on how to spice up their sex life. Different positions, different things to try in bed – it’s all absent in contemporary Islamic literature. For those in the west, certain things permeate through osmosis, so women have heard about BDSM and doggy style, but only in a vague sense.”
Many misconceptions that the book deals with stem from cultural attitudes that decent women don’t enjoy sex and should “lie back and think of morning prayers”. Gohir said: “Guilt associated with sex is drummed into women from childhood. It’s portrayed as something dirty where women’s sexuality is often controlled. This does result in women going into marriages not having the confidence to say ‘I am not enjoying this’ or ‘I want this’. It’s time this topic is spoken about more openly.”
Muladhat also found that confusion about what sex acts were permissible in Islamwas inhibiting women from experimenting in the bedroom. “Outside the house, culture varies a lot. Inside the bedroom, the concerns and desires of Muslim women from around the world were strikingly similar,” she said.
After holding informal workshops, she set up a website to ascertain interest in a book. Such was the response, that Muladhat is already considering a follow-up, after being inundated with emails from men also looking for advice. “I didn’t find any guides to sex aimed at Muslims, women or otherwise. There are plenty of books already on marriage, but spicing up a Muslim’s sex life while staying halal? There’s nothing.
“I’ve received dozens of emails from men asking if I had any plans to write a companion book to teach them how to please their wives in bed. I’ve taken that into consideration and plan to write a follow-up if this book is successful.”
The author chose to stay anonymous, partly for fear of a backlash but also because she didn’t want to be known in her tight-knit community as the “sex book aunty”. “Initially, I thought my real name would add credibility, but it’s a sensitive topic,” said Muladhat. “Whether it’s ethnicity, socioeconomic status or religiosity, people who want to attack the book will invariably do so by attacking the author. By separating my real self from the book, people are forced to deal with the content.”
What she will reveal, though, is that she is an American-born psychology graduate and much of the book is based on her personal experience of keeping the spark alive within her own marriage, along with tips picked up from friends and old copies of Cosmopolitan.
“My biggest qualification is the knowledge which comes only with experience. A doctor can explain the biology, but if you want an attractive physique you’re better off learning from a bodybuilder than an overweight doctor.”
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