5 THINGS A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW SHOULD NEVER DO
5 THINGS A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW SHOULD NEVER DO
(Oct 1, 2011)
(Oct 1, 2011)
by Babble.com, on Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:35am PDT
A prior post on what mothers-in-law should never say to their daughters-in-law caused a lot of buzz. Many readers wrote in to share their own horrid MIL stories, and wow, some of them were truly harsh. Yet there were a lot of daughters-in-law who said their MIL was great, and even some mothers-in-law who stressed that this important relationship is nothing less than a two-way street.
Though most of us identify with the DIL perspective, don’t we all know at least one or two acquaintances who are outright evil to their mothers-in-law? In many cases, jealousy and wanting to be top dog play a big part in the underlying hostility. It’s also possible that some things are not intentionally meant to cause any strife. For example, “The baby was fine as soon as you left” from our mother-in-law list is something that can be said as a means of comfort, yet it’s also something that offends certain daughters-in-law.
We polled mothers-in-law and asked them what they wish their daughters-in-law would stop doing. Here are the results:
1. Talking negatively about the husband’s childhood. You might have heard stories about childhood fights, vendettas, and family secrets but you weren’t there and you shouldn’t comment on it.
2. Restricting contact with the grandkids. It’s one thing if your mother-in-law is cruel or crazy but to keep your kids away from their grandma just because you don’t enjoy spending time with her is unfair—to both of them.
Related: 10 things to NEVER say to your daughter-in-law
3. Ignoring the fact that your husband was raised by this woman. I consider about how deeply I love my son. I would do anything for him and I treasure raising him. When he grows up and gets married, I truly hope to have a very good relationship with his wife. It would hurt me immensely to not have contact with him, and it would make me irate if his wife purposely tried to keep him way from me. A man will always need his mother and a wife shouldn’t try to hinder that relationship. A wife and a mother are two vastly different things and most guys get that. Does it really hurt you if he takes an hour or two out of the weekend to fix her car or drive her to the store? To me, that behavior should be encouraged.
4. Looking for trouble that isn’t there. We have to keep in my mind that many of our mothers-in-law lived in a different time and many lived in other countries. Their way of doing things may not be the same as yours. They might tell you certain things that helped them when they were raising their kids, or lessons they wish they knew back then and it can be out of a genuine desire to help, not a need to preach or judge. Learn to recognize the difference.
5. Badmouthing Grandma in front of your kids. Kids are sponges and they will pick up your feelings about their grandma sooner or later. When they overhear stories that you tell your friends or complaints to your husband, they hold on to them and you never really know when they’ll choose to share them. Even worse, your words can change the way they feel about their Grandma. You’ll not only rob your mother-in-law of the relationship, you’ll rob your child of it, too.
Compromise and change is possible in most relationships and the bond between your husband’s mother and you is one that deserves some effort. After all, she did raise your husband. And let us not forget that one day, we may be a mother-in-law ourselves.
MORE ON BABBLE
13 mother-in-law horror stories
10 places moms don’t want your parenting advice
7 absolutely awful things to tell your children
10 things parents swore they’d NEVER do (but totally do now!)
What’s your mommy type? Take our quiz to find out!
10 places moms don’t want your parenting advice
7 absolutely awful things to tell your children
10 things parents swore they’d NEVER do (but totally do now!)
What’s your mommy type? Take our quiz to find out!
STROLLER DERBY
The Worst Mother-In-Law Horror Stories Round-Up: Our Readers Tell All!
Posted by danielle sullivan on August 18th, 2011 at 11:10 am
Last month I wrote about “10 Things A Mother-In-Law Should Never Utter To A Daughter-In-Law”. It garnished not only heartfelt emotion, but often irate response. While a handful of readers did write in to say that they adored their mothers-in-law, the majority of readers said that their husband’s mothers cause them ongoing grief.
On one side of the argument, a couple of mothers-in-law commented that perhaps daughters-in-law are also responsible for the ensuing family conflicts. Certainly, each and every family is different, so it’s impossible to put any family under a one-size-fits-all solution.
Yet that being said, many readers have big problems with the woman who gave birth to their husband. After reading my list of what MILs should never say, a bunch of readers felt that my list was too tame compared to what their mothers-in-law actually say or do to them on a regular basis.
Wondering exactly what these stories of cranky mothers-in-laws are? Well, just scroll down because we’ve compiled a list of the top readers mother-in-law horror stories!
Insensitivity Reaches A New Level
Before my son was born I had two miscarriages.. and my MIL knew it. So why at a familiy reunion where everyone of my husband’s relatives (sister, cousins, etc..) were carrying their babies did she think of saying… “You two better hurry up and catch up with them in starting a family!” It is not like we didn’t want to! -Carolina
Before my son was born I had two miscarriages.. and my MIL knew it. So why at a familiy reunion where everyone of my husband’s relatives (sister, cousins, etc..) were carrying their babies did she think of saying… “You two better hurry up and catch up with them in starting a family!” It is not like we didn’t want to! -Carolina
Dysfunctional Family Holidays
My MIL told me that I was a narcissistic, controlling bitch. On Christmas. While my 12-month old was in the hospital with pneumonia. That’s probably something you shouldn’t say to your DIL… At least you shouldn’t if you ever want to see your grandson again… -JF
Breast Is Not Best… For ME!
My MIL told me that I was a narcissistic, controlling bitch. On Christmas. While my 12-month old was in the hospital with pneumonia. That’s probably something you shouldn’t say to your DIL… At least you shouldn’t if you ever want to see your grandson again… -JF
Breast Is Not Best… For ME!
What about “I can’t believe you would dare take my grandchild out of my arms!” — after over an hour of holding my newborn when I needed to FEED her. Oh, and then there was “just give her a bottle like we did, that way I can feed her.” She didn’t like that I was breastfeeding, mainly because it was a loss to her somehow. -JWW
The Gall
My MIL once proceeded to tell me (after she was a little sauced) to be a stay-at-home mom (which is none of her business anyhow). When I tried to explain my side to her that I had worked really hard putting myself through college and pulled out “x-amount” in student loans, she replied “I’ll give you a check in “x-amount” and you can give me your son!” -KBeach
My MIL once proceeded to tell me (after she was a little sauced) to be a stay-at-home mom (which is none of her business anyhow). When I tried to explain my side to her that I had worked really hard putting myself through college and pulled out “x-amount” in student loans, she replied “I’ll give you a check in “x-amount” and you can give me your son!” -KBeach
This Is The Future?
My future MIL always comments on my fiance’s ex’s Facebook pages telling them things like she wishes she was their MIL and that she loves them like daughters. -HisSweetheart
It Seems Holidays Continue To Bring Out The Worst MIL Behavior
My MIL would make Thanksgiving Dinner 3-4 times a year. After 4 years of being together with my husband, he finally broke it to her that I didn’t like turkey. All hell broke loose from there. She began to scream at me about how unappreciative I was. After being berated by her, she then stormed down the hall and slammed the door. Later, her apology to me was, “Well, we like you a lot and we are learning to love you.” -Erika
My future MIL always comments on my fiance’s ex’s Facebook pages telling them things like she wishes she was their MIL and that she loves them like daughters. -HisSweetheart
It Seems Holidays Continue To Bring Out The Worst MIL Behavior
My MIL would make Thanksgiving Dinner 3-4 times a year. After 4 years of being together with my husband, he finally broke it to her that I didn’t like turkey. All hell broke loose from there. She began to scream at me about how unappreciative I was. After being berated by her, she then stormed down the hall and slammed the door. Later, her apology to me was, “Well, we like you a lot and we are learning to love you.” -Erika
Not A Happy Bride
I was telling my husband’s family how much I appreciate having them in my life for 30 years, at that time, and my children’s lives (their biological grandchildren, no less!) My MIL looked right at me and very hatefully said, “Well! It’s not like WE had a choice! We didn’t get to have a say in who he married!” -Dsmifs1979
Sewing Bad Oats
I was telling my husband’s family how much I appreciate having them in my life for 30 years, at that time, and my children’s lives (their biological grandchildren, no less!) My MIL looked right at me and very hatefully said, “Well! It’s not like WE had a choice! We didn’t get to have a say in who he married!” -Dsmifs1979
Sewing Bad Oats
My MIL asked if I had a sewing kit so she could sew a hole in my couch cushion. I told her “No” because quite frankly, I just don’t sew, big deal. Well, she proceeded to tell me that she keeps a spare sewing kit in her car ever since “some guy” at her job needed a button sewn and his own wife was too “useless” (HER EXACT WORDS) to keep a sewing kit handy. To add insult to injury, she gave me a beginner’s sewing kit for Christmas! -Hailey
She Said What?
She also tells me that I should do the deed with the hubby, and that I should do it to get him to do things for me. -Jessica
She also tells me that I should do the deed with the hubby, and that I should do it to get him to do things for me. -Jessica
Double Team
I had been nesting like crazy the week before my son was born. I had cleaned the house from top to bottom. I had cooked meals in advance and frozen them. While I was in the hospital recovering from the delivery, my mother-in-law came into my room and said “Nancy (sister-in-law) and I stopped by the house and straightened up for you, so the baby will have a clean house to come home to!” I was LIVID. -Jennifer
I had been nesting like crazy the week before my son was born. I had cleaned the house from top to bottom. I had cooked meals in advance and frozen them. While I was in the hospital recovering from the delivery, my mother-in-law came into my room and said “Nancy (sister-in-law) and I stopped by the house and straightened up for you, so the baby will have a clean house to come home to!” I was LIVID. -Jennifer
How Much Is That Doggie In The Window?
She got us a puppy without asking. Our apartment didn’t take them; he terrorized our cats and destroyed everything. We found him a new home and when my hubby explained to her that he was destructive and annoying she said “So is your wife, but her parents kept her.” -MIL Hell
(Puppies are exquisite but not asking before getting a puppy for another person is not only rude, but insanely irresponsible… and so not cool.)
Say What?
She got us a puppy without asking. Our apartment didn’t take them; he terrorized our cats and destroyed everything. We found him a new home and when my hubby explained to her that he was destructive and annoying she said “So is your wife, but her parents kept her.” -MIL Hell
(Puppies are exquisite but not asking before getting a puppy for another person is not only rude, but insanely irresponsible… and so not cool.)
Say What?
One thing I never got over was one day she was caring for her grandson. He was not feeling well. She called and asked my advice on how to take care of the problem and when I told her what I thought she should do, she said “why am I asking you, you don’t have any kids!” I hung up on her and cried for an hour. She never apologized for that. -Dee
New DIL?
New DIL?
Once when my husband had been gone awhile running errands, my MIL said to me “Maybe he met someone else!” -Paige
(Stay tuned for more on how to mend a relationship with your mother-in-law, and if you are a mother-in-law yourself, leave us a comment on your thoughts and experiences with your daughters-in-law!)
When it’s the daughter-in-law’s fault: 5 Things A Daughter-In-Law Should Never Do!
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